Hey hey, you you, I want to be your girlfriend!
by the Klabautermann
Summary: Somewhat cracky fanfic about two lovebirds that were -not- meant to be. Richard and Cale fluff. This parody is written purely for the laughs, but the actual shipper might enjoy it. ;D
1. Bad thing

**Fans of the pairing will actually enjoy this, but it is in first place a parody. :L**

* * *

><p>Sun didn't quite even got up from its sleep when Richard entered a tiny village, not even a mile away from the camp they set up last night. It has been one of those sleepless mornings, when a person would be wide awake with the first birds. It was quite a nice morning though, Richard told himself. And nothing said „good mornin'„ like a good old human hunt in the early hours before the sunrise.<p>

„_Good mornin', good mornin'~__  
><em>_It's great to stay up late,__  
><em>_good mornin', good mornin' to you..."_

Richard chanted silently to himself, watching his first victim. An unsuspecting man in a cart, filled with large portions of milk bottles. The first rays of the sun slowly began to peak the trees.

„_When the band began to play__  
><em>_the sun was shinin' bright."_

With no introduction, he suddenly grabbed the poor man off his seat, tugging on his collar, and looked deep into mans eyes, preparing the fire ball with his free hand.

„_Now the milkman's on his way,__  
><em>_it's too late to say..."_

_Fwoosh_. The man's scared, panicked face expression disappeared in the pile of dust and ashes, as he burned in a minute before Richards' eyes, in his very hands. The ashes seeped through his bone-like fingers.

„Good night." Richard finished sinisterly, a smirk audient in his dark voice.

* * *

><p>"Where is Richard?" Benny noticed. The rest of the group pretty much ignored the question as they stretched and washed their faces, knowing the warlock was a "free soul", with the exception of Cale – he looked around a bit worried.<p>

"Hopefully he didn't get into some kind of trouble." he expressed his worries.

They left their tents a few minutes ago, half dressed up and still tired from the last night of fighting off trolls, and celebrating the victory with a newly acquired barrel of strong beer. Cale stumbled over the extinguished camp fire as he tried to look around.

"Don't worry Pinky; in the worst case he slaughtered a bit more of population than he needed to." Krunch mumbled as he washed his face in a large bucket of water from the nearby stream.

"He be killing off some human prey, most likely." Pella noticed morbidly, but truthfully, as she dressed herself.

That answer didn't seem to fully satisfy Cale, but not for the murdering reasons Pella mentioned.

"He could've at least left us a note or something." he murmured. The group gave him funny looks.

"Yeah, I can already see it" Benny started, grinning mockingly

"'_Dear Cale, I left to kill some people. Coming back soon, love, Dick._'"

The group started laughing hard, with Kruch having to bend over and nearly falling, which only made them scream with laughter more. Cale arched his eyebrow, but an amused smile couldn't escape his expression.

"I guess Dick can take care of himself, really."

"He can also take care of people like you if you don't stop with the Dick nick."

Cale turned around immediately, meeting Richard on the distance of an inch between their noses. He backed out in surprise with a girly yelp, but not before Richard managed to burn his cloak a little.

"Richard!" Amusement was gone from Cales' voice, but showed on faces of Krunch, Pella and Benny. They loved listening to the arguments of the two, be it about the killing of many people, or about petty things like this one.

Richard kept his dark glare on Cale. His clothes and hands were entirely soaked with blood, yet that apparently didn't stop Cale from asking:"

"Just where in the world have you been?"

"I was feeding the birds, isn't it obvious?" Richard replied with his usual doze of sarcasm. Getting over the fact he was on a killing spree once again, Cale got to the core of the "problem".

"Richard, don't just go sneaking off like that, please! We were worried sick!"

"Speak for yourself." Krunch murmured, with Benny snickering by him. Pella seemed amused while she was cleaning her axe. Cale heard his comment, but merely glanced at Krunch before continuing:  
>"Promise me you won't wander off like that again!"<p>

Richards' eyebrows went up so high the almost hid in his hood. Something like a silent laugh left his covered mouth as he passed Cale on the way to his tent.

"If you continue to pester me like this, I might start thinking of you as my girlfriend." he said jokingly.

The rest of three group laughed, amused, until Cale turned, his eyes piercing Richards back in boiled up anger, and yelled out:  
>"Why are you saying that like it's a bad thing?"<p>

For the next few moment everybody was staring. Even Sooba, who pretty much wasn't even participating in the amusement of the argument, suddenly looked tense. Cale looked half like he just realized what he said, and a bit like he wanted an answer. Richard stopped in his tracks, and nobody could see his expression.

Then he slowly, very slowly, turned around. It was hard to read his emotions, especially with his mask on, and especially since he had a very weird expression. He seemed surprised yet emotionless.

"I… I mean…" Cale started, but nobody could hear him. They did see his effort in speaking though, but then Richard broke the ice.

"I'm… sorry."

Everyone's eyes nearly left their places as the words left Richards' mouth. As if the situation wasn't weird enough, Richard suddenly apologized for reasons unknown. His apology sounded kind of like he was surprised, though. Cale was opening and closing his mouth, like a goldfish on dry. Before anyone could find the strength or words to react, Richard walked over to his tent, and disappeared from their sight.

The strange looks now lay upon Cale, who approached Krunch, Pella and Benny. They seemed both curious and confused. Mostly curious though, as they all had amused small smiles on their faces.

"I… I don't know what came over me…" Cale started slowly "I, I guess I just felt kind of… I don't know."

"Don't ye be worryin' I'm sure ye didn't mean what we thank ye meant." she grinned teasingly.

"Yes, I mean, no, don't-"

"Whatever rocks your boat Pinky, we're fine by it." Krunch also added, not knowing himself if he was serious or not.

Benny couldn't hold it in, and she started to laugh, thought quietly, like a maniac. Cale blushed hard on their words and actions.

"You're acting silly! I'll go there right now, and tell him I didn't mean it like that!" to prove his words to be truth, he marched over to the entrance of Richards' tent, and stopped very suddenly when he needed to get inside. He glanced over to his friends, who looked like they were on verge of laughing. It as obvious that he had troubles coming in after all. Just as he sighed, shot them a courageous look, and wanted to get inside, he once more met Richard on the distance of few inches – Richard was about to come out and bumped into him. He had an odd look in his eyes, half surprised and half… saddened?

"R-Richard…" Cale started, but couldn't continue. Richard, who only went inside the tent to get one bucket, ignored Cale, and went for the stream.

Cale bit his lip.

"If you want to talk to him" Benny finally offered some help, seeing he was troubled "now is the opportunity. At least you'll be alone."

Cale thanked her with a nod, and then followed Richard. Benny sighed as she watched the elf disappear behind the trees

"You think there is something…?" Krunch asked, unsure. Benny herself though, didn't know the answer.

"Maybe." she grinned. "Leave it to them though; it is not like we have anything against it."

"Ye two gonna eat or gossip?" Pella asked as she started roasting the freshly caught boar. Not asking how she managed to kill a boar so fast and quiet, the two smiled and sat down to eat.

* * *

><p>"Richard?" Cale called gently as he noticed the hooded thin warlock, bending over a water-filled bucket and washing his face, hands and clothes from blood. He came from behind him, so Richard had plenty of time to put his disguise back on.<p>

He turned around as he fixed his hood, with his usually look of annoyance this time. Almost like nothing happened minutes ago.

"Can't a dead guy wash himself in peace?" he murmured as he spilled the bloodied red water back into the river.

Cale approached him slowly. Richard was eyeing him carefully.

"Richard, listen, I didn't really mean what I said before. I, I guess I was just irked when you put it such way… like I was no good material or, err…" he didn't need to take a look on Richards' face to know that he sounded so silly. Like a little girl.

"I mean, well, that is not the point, it just, it just made me uncomfortable, alright? There is no other meaning behind it, I swear."

When Cale finally dared to look at Richard, he noticed warlock seemed to be confused.

"So, it doesn't have to do with Benny?"

"Benny? What does she have to do with this?"

"So it doesn't." Richard seemed even more confused. "I was convinced you were simply disliking the idea of being mocked like that constantly in front of a person you, err… _fancy_. Especially since I said something like that. That IS why I apologized after all."

"Benny and I merely shared a bed here and there, there isn't much behind it."

"But if that isn't the matter… then what is?" Richard took a step forward, suddenly intrigued.

Cale stuttered. "W-well I told you Richard, I was just a little irritable this morni—"

"No." Richard interrupted, suddenly looking very satisfied with his 'discovery'.

"No, you were clearly mad about me not taking you in consideration as a… _lover_." the world rolled of his tongue with an enjoyable tone, as if he found great pleasure in pronouncing it in front of flustered Cale.

"The Hell?" the redness of Cales' face could match the bloodied water Richard spilled into the river.

"It is OK Cale. To comfort you; I can say that I'm not taking anyone, ever, in consideration."

"Richard, that is definitely not the—"

"Oh, it is not? Really?" Richard suddenly got close. Too close. Their noses were practically touching, and Cale could see every single little wrinkle around his fiery eyes. He couldn't look away. Those bright, shining eyes were almost hypnotizing. His breath stopped, and his heart raced, and he couldn't quite say why.

"W-what are you doing?" he asked in a small voice.

Richard first said nothing. Then he so abruptly started laughing that Cale fell down in the grass.

"Richard!"

"It was such a pleasure seeing your face all flustered and confused." Richard noticed with a positive glee in his voice and eyes.

"I'm going to kill you." Cale said, suddenly upset and relieved at the same time.

"That is for making me apologize to you for no good reason." Richard noticed darkly. Cale got up, cleaning his clothes from dirt. He shot Richard an unsure look.

"So… everything alright between us?"

"As always, my _dearest_." Richard watched with amusement how embarrassed Cale got. Serves him right, nobody would make him apologize for nothing and get away with it.

The two returned to the camp and sat down, both getting curious looks from their friends.

"Ye finished with yer soap opera?" Pella asked bluntly, but jokingly, biting a large piece of boar meat.

"Actually, due to proclamation of undying love for each other, Cale and I are now engaged."

The piece of boar meat flew through the air as shocked Pella tried to get some breath, and Richard once more got a good laugh out of it.

"Richard, please." Cale face palmed as Benny and Krunch looked at them. They both seemed like they wanted to laugh.

"You're going to be at his mercy from now on, Pinky." Krunch noticed.

Cale gave him a weak smile, still unsure about why he felt so warm on the words of "undying love".


	2. Frail Lips

**The epic romance continues!... Well, not epic, but definitely a bromance. :L I laughed so much while writing this. Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>The rest of the mourning was rather uncomfortable for Cale, which naturally meant it was very pleasant for Richard – he continued to mercilessly call him all kinds of epithets, varying from the modest 'honey' to the exaggerated 'confessions' of love, including such nicknames as "honey-bunny", "sweety-pie" and even "pumpkin", all the time, even while they were packing and continued on their trail – in search of some artifact they were getting for a noble that asked for their help. While it did provide a fine portion of laughter in the beginning, by the time Sun reached its sky peak it was evident that only Richard continued to enjoy – not that he wasn't funny, but the group pretty much could expect what he would say next.<p>

The whole thing also made Cale blush constantly, which pretty much was why the warlock enjoyed teasing him so much, in spite of his countless pleases to stop already. He couldn't stop thinking though, about Richards' actions from back at the stream. How his joke made him blush, his heart bat faster, and his legs shake. What the Hell was wrong with him?

"Cale, is everything alright?" Cale jerked from his thoughts as Benny approached him, now already a bit worried.

"Uhm…" Why was he so incapable of making a single sentence?

"You're still worried because of Richard? she asked him smiling affectionately, and they both glanced at him – he was extremely busy with making a dandelion wreath, and seeing as how he didn't try catching any animals to use their intestines for it, he concluded Richard was probably making it to embarrass Cale a little more.

"He's been making me pretty uncomfortable, I'll tell you that." Cale answered.

"I mean I know he doesn't mean anything, but he makes it looks so real it is pretty creepy, actually."

Benny laughed, glanced at warlock to make sure he doesn't hear the next words.

"You should play along." she whispered sinisterly.

"WHAT!"

"Shush!" Benny looked around. Richard was still dancing around the flower field, this time really catching a bird.

"Don't you think it would be even more awkward for Richard to be called "beloved" that for you? I mean, it is Richard we're talking about her. The moment you start to bother him like that, he'll go nuts, and leave you alone."

"And what if he doesn't?"

"Then just try and have some heck of a fun out of it." Benny laughed, then joined Krunch in studying of some scripts.

Cale was just about coming to terms with the idea, when Richard popped out in front of his face, seemingly delighted.

"Cale, look!" he put a darling wreath of dandelions on Cale's head, where it got stuck on his head. Richard himself wore a wreath, but made of feathers and bones that were tied together with some bird intestines.

"I made it for you, my darling!" Richard said in overly feminine and romantic voice that was popping with sardonic tone. Cale decided it was time for a game.

"Why…" he started, the look in his eyes gentle as he fixed the wreath on his head "Richard, thank you… now we" he reached out and tug out one feather that was dangling from Richards' corpse wreath "almost look like…" he gave him the most affectionate look "we're going to a… ceremony…"

Immediately realizing what he was implying, Richard stood stiff, apparently pretty shocked that he finally got some feedback other than blushing and looking away. And what a convincing feedback. If it were anyone else to do this, even in joke, he would most likely incinerate them in the spot. Cales' actions looked almost real…

Without another word, he let out a loud "hmph" and turned around with his head high, pretending to be insulted by the way Cale ruined his game. However, he couldn't help but notice, as they continued, that neither he nor Cale took the wreath off their head. In fact, while he thought no one was looking, Cale even took a better look at it, as he affectionately span it in his hands, and carefully put it back on his head.

* * *

><p>The rest of the long trip they had to make passed in cheerful chit-chat and the only obstacle they encountered was a group of bandits trying to make some money by charging passage on the Old Bridge – which in fact looked so rotten it was almost ancient. They got rid of them the moment they saw Richards' wreath, and decided they would rather take chances jumping in the river the bridge was set above than confronting the warlock. The bridge was set high, higher than they would think, and it was creaky. Krunch barely passed the bridge without it breaking down, after which Benny and Pella carefully followed – by the time they got to the other side, they heard a rope breaking somewhere, but bridge was still whole.<p>

"We better make this quick, or we'll be done for." Cale said, tension in his voice. Richard, with his light body wouldn't have such problems, but Cale was a grown man and equipped with swords. Chances were not good.

They carefully started across, Richard first, Cale following. Richard hopped off to the other side joyfully, exclaiming:

"See? Nothing bad happened!"

As if the bridge itself decided to deny that statement, it started to crack and it swinged. Cale gasped in surprised, and hurried forward. He was 5 meters behind, when the bridge finally let go, and started falling. With last available footing, Cale made the impossible jump of 4 meters, realizing he won't reach it, and that he was going to fall.

Almost like an instinct, he simple extended his arm as long as possible, and closed his eyes, afraid of the rocks and furious river deep down. Someone would say the life flashed before his eyes, be he didn't see much of his far away past. He saw how he first met the group, and relived all the trials they've been put through. And the most he saw Richard, his practically best friend, his… his…

Cales' heart was saying goodbye in ache…

"FOR PONY!"

Cales' hand was grabbed firmly, and his body jerked strongly as it stopped falling. His saviors' hand held him firmly. Long, thin hand; with a surprisingly strong grip. He opened his eyes.

Richard was kneeling, one knee on the very edge of the cliff, and other leg simply squatted. His eyes were looking at Cale. Panic and fear were seen in what Cale could see of his shrouded face. He was barely holding himself still and balanced, and the rest of the group came to help, in a second pulling him up.

"You OK Pinky? That was close." Krunch noticed – he was looking a bit shaken, but otherwise glad to see Cale alive.

"If warlock there didn' react, we be lookin' for ya corpse down there." Pella noticed with a relaxed smile.

Cale looked at Richard. Obviously about to be thanked, he got upset, and kept walking like absolutely nothing had happened.

"He really isn't into magical words." Benny laughed, and Cale remained puzzled. He was a bit shaken, but other than that, puzzled. He never saw such a look in Richards' eyes. What was that?...

* * *

><p>"Richard?" Cale called for warlock, who was sitting in his tent, and as always, was crafting something out of a few dead animals he caught. It was evening, and the rest of the group was out to get something to eat. They settled in a deep part of the dark dangerous forest they got in. It was quiet as a grave, with nothing but owls and occasional chirps of crickets.<p>

Richard was sitting with his back to Cale, so he gave him a quick glance, and got his attention back to handicraft.

"Yes?"

Cale swallowed, remembering everything that gave him so much to think about that day. The awkward morning, the wreath show, the falling off the bridge. And the feeling that followed. The butterflies. The shaky knees. The pumping heart.

"I think I like—"

"Please don't say that."

"What?"

Richard turned around, and Cale was astonished by the look in his eyes. It was sad, and almost… needy?

"Cale, I am feeling weird."

Cale looked at him funny, then sat down on a bunch of fur hat served as bed.

"What do you mean?"

Richard threw his handicraft on the ground, turned on his chair, and looked at Cale.

"Let me tell you Cale. You see, ever since I met you… now, I've had the time of my life. I never felt like this before. Yes, I swear, it is true, and … I owe it all to you. I've been waiting for so long, and finally found someone to stand by me. And we saw that statue in Kethenicia, and felt this magical fantasy. And with passion in our eyes, which we obviously couldn't disguise secretly, we took each other hand like we both understood the urgency. You're the one thing I can't get enough of. I know it sound weird but let me ask you something… Could this be love?"

Cale stood petrified. Could it? He knew well what love was, one love lost so long ago… and now that same passion, awakened. It was…

"Richard."

"…?" Richard was looking bewildered, expecting an answer, and altogether looking excited and a bit nervous.

"You'll never let me see your face, right?"

Richard touched his mask.

"I'm sorry. No."

"I'm fine with that. That is why I want you to believe me when I do this."

"Do what?"

And with a swift, yet gentle and soft motion, Cale approached Richard, leaned in, and his lips touched the fabric placed over Richards' frail lips.

* * *

><p><strong>What happens next? Will Richard return the love? Will they manage to find the artifact they were on mission to find but kind of forgot about it? Will the next chapter be the last? WILL THE WORLD COLLAPSE!<strong>

**Find out next time! ^^**

**~TeeHee!  
>PS Sorry, I just love nigahiga xD <strong>


	3. Bloody Beautiful

**And so we come to an end! What, you thought this was going to be epicaly long? Heck no, it's a parody! Oh well... Hope you enjoyed the short, but extremely funny ride! ^^**

* * *

><p>Cale didn't miss the fact that Richard didn't react at all. He was probably too shocked to do so, Cale thought and backed away, looking at Richards nervously. Richards' eyes were wide open in surprise.<p>

The two of them spent the next few moment digesting the fact they did something very awkward.

"Cale…"

"Y-yes?" Cale immediately answered, his voice practically shaking.

"Be still." Richard got up.

"W-what?"

Richard slowly approached Cale and stood in front of him, only a short distance between them. He looked Cale from his face to his feet… was he checking him out?

"I'm just trying too…" Richard trailed off trying to explain, sounding puzzled, looking for whatever kind of solution he needed on Cales' body. Then he circled him, stood in front of him, and raised his hand, looking as if he was about to put them on Cales' shoulders, but did nothing.

"Richard, what are you—"

"I think… I want to hug you."

Cale didn't miss the slightest note of awkward uncomfortable surprise in Richards' voice.

"You don't need to you know-"

"That is the problem you see, I really need it for some reason."

Cale shuddered on the word "need" coming from Richards' mouth. It was so unexpected.

Then Richard slowly, very slowly, got a bit closer, put his hand around Cale – although rather awkwardly, like he was hurting him on touch – and pulled him close. They bodies met and Cale gasped quietly.

There was a strange silence as Richard said, with a slight commanding tone:

"Hug back."

Cale did so immediately, but with equal speed. The two soon found each other in a firm embrace.

Then Richard asked something unexpected.

"Cale…"

"Yes?"

"Does that hurt?

"Does what hurt?"

"You can't feel it then. Thought so."

"Huh?"

"Cale, brush your hand along my back."

Without a moment of hesitation, Cale did so, his head light, feeling the thin, frail body under his- what the Hell?

"Richard?"

"You see it?"

"You have an… an arrow in your back. How didn't you notice this? Who shot you?"

"The same guy who did that to you."

"What are you talking about, I wasn't—"

"As I said, you can't feel it, but it is right here in your back. If you let go of me, it will become invisible again. Give me a minute."

Cale felt Richards neck straining to look up, and then heard a small grunt of annoyance.

"What is it?"

"Cale. Look up at the corner of the tent."

Cale looked to where he felt Richard was looking. In the high corner, on a small piece of wood that held the tent standing, sat a small girl. She wasn't very cute or pretty, and she was the size of a bigger doll. She wore large, thick black glasses, and wore her pink hair in pigtails. She was barefoot, dressed in a pale buttoned up shirt, and a pink checked skirt. Her face was an odd mix – she was squinting the whole time, smiling really unnaturally to show off all of her teeth, and was constantly forming the "peace" with one of her hands. Her other hand held firmly onto a small golden bow, and a bagfull of heart shaped arrows. She was at the moment quietly, quietly squealing with joy, and jumping up and down.

"By the Gods. It can't be…"

"It is so, Cale. We've been hit by the arrow of a Shipping Cupid."

"But I thought it was only a legend. Such a horrible creature to exist… Do you know anything about them? I only heard rumors from the scary stories they told us as kids."

"Most of what you heard is probably true." Richard replied, his voice sounding a bit grave.

"Shipping Cupids are the worst of the creatures, who find joy in bonding the in-bondable. I just made up that word by the way."

"Their whole life is about what is happening between us now, and what happened to many other people. They love to bond the two creatures that will obviously never, not in their wildest dreams or in any universe, be together. They find joy in such bizarre things, and are obsessed with the love the two victims create then. They literally eat and drink, and feast on the love, passion and lust the victims create in their illusions, and it can go on for weeks, months, even years. And then, when they feel like they cannot feast on anything new, or that they already saw everything that can come from a couple, they leave. And once they leave, people usually very soon realize what happened, and most of them dies of sadness or goes crazy. It is a horrible pattern of emotions a person has to go through in the end, and even I wouldn't do that to anyone."

Cale listened with fear, shaken to the core with what he heard. Is the rest of the life going to be spent like this? Will the cupid be feasting on whatever immoral actions they might do in the future? Will they live happily in illusion for the next few years, and then rot in the reality?

"How did you realize—"

"Well. We aren't really the most ordinary of a _couple_, now are we." Richard noticed darkly.

"The hardest part of this situation was to realize what is going on. Once a person sees those feelings must be an illusion, both arrows and Cupid become visible, even though it is not aware of that."

"And you should know me better Cale. Even if I was… fancying you, I would rather die a thousand horrible deaths than tell you."

"So… is there anything we can do?" Cale asked, deadly scared of an answer. Richard laughed quietly.

"Oh, there certainly is. The stupid little creature here obviously never encountered the likes of me. Unfortunately, you'll have to squeeze me a bit tighter if you want this to end."

"… I don't really want it to end you know."

"It is an illusion Cale. Once we're back to our real selves, you'll be thanking me. Now please, for the love of our friendship, hug me like a lover."

Cale gulped, and gave Richard an affectionate hug, from the bottom of the illusions in his heart. The little cupid, now visible and audible to both of them , but ignorant of that fact, screamed with joy, her pink eyes closing shut as it shook its little hand in excitement.

"You distracted it perfectly Cale. For that, I will always love you."

"And with a swift move of his hand, Richard fwooshed the little bastard to eternity.

* * *

><p>The two sat in the tent on the floor in silence, facing each other. The cupid turned to a small pile of ashes, and both of the arrows in their back were now real, touchable. But both of them seemed very tired all of a sudden.<p>

"Didn't you say I'd be thanking you once we end this? Why don't you do it then?"

"Shut up. It feels slightly harder than I thought it would feel."

"It certainly is hard." Cale sighed.

"But you're right Richard. This is all an illusion. How about we simultaneously pull the arrows from each other, on a count to three?"

"Sounds fair.

The two aligned next to each other, both grabbing the arrow of the other one. Cale winced.

"The wound is not deep, but it still hurts a bit." he added immediately, seeing Richards' concerned look. Then he laughed.

"The Richard that is my friend probably wouldn't harbor that look in his eyes."

Richard frowned.

"Feel very welcome to tease me; I'll be laughing my liver off when I tell everyone about the kiss."

"By the Gods Richard, you wouldn't—"

"I will." Cale could see the grin forming on warlocks' cheekbones. He sighed, but smiled.

"We'll see if you'll be saying the same when we finish this. Ready?"

"One more thing." Richard stopped him.

"While I still feel so much attached to you, I feel obliged to say that, before I fell madly in "that-feeling" with you, I thought of you as a great friend. If not the best."

Cale blinked confusedly, and then said with a smile:

"I'm sure it'll mean more to me once we get back to our old setting."

"And I'm sure I'll deny it to no ends. Those cupids really suck."

"On three then."

"One!"

"Two!"

The two pulled the arrow strongly as they both loudly yelled out "three".

* * *

><p>Cale loudly winced, and he felt a small trickle of blood on his back. It wasn't much, as the cupids arrow wasn't meant to hurt. He felt his tiredness lifting, and then coming back again, stronger – most likely the after effect of cupids' spell.<p>

He looked at Richard, and found out a couple of thins – Richard wasn't as handsome as he thought he was while he was under the illusion. He was hi sold, corpse-y self. Also, Cale felt nothing but warm feeling of seeing his friend again, alive and well. He also found out Richard was in slight shock, as he stared in Cale in pure horror.

"Please don't kill me." Cale said, half with a smile, and half serious - when Richards' pride is hurt, heads fall.

"Gh…" Richard let out, and the shook his head violently. He looked at Cale again, eyes wide, and grasping the whole situation. And then… That frown. That usual, normal, everyday frown. Cale smiled widely.

"Welcome back."

Richard took a look at the ashes of the cupid. He spoke:

"I hereby announce the foundation of anti-cupid alliance."

"Count me in."

Richard looked at Cale again, starting to relax.

"It is good to see you again, elf."

They both smiled to themselves as they got up and left the tent. The sun was setting.

"Hey Cale. You know, once Cupid hits someone with an arrow, it won't start working until someone else is hit, so they can make a couple."

"Yeah, so?"

"Do you remember when you started to "fall in L"?"

"You still refuse to say that word." Cale smirked, and thought.

"I sincerely don't know. Why?"

"Because I can tell, I started to feel strange about you only after we've had breakfast and left."

"OK, so?"

"So, why did you get so upset when I joked about you being my girlfriend?"

"Oh for the love of—Richard, what I said that morning was not really sober, so please—"

"Of course, my darling, I won't say another word about it."

Cale laughed. It was like in the beginning again. He was pretty much scared of that stupid line he said when he was cranky, and adding his friends' teasing to it… he was a perfect target for a bloody cupid.

"It is OK Richard, it is not embarrassing me anymore. Oh hey!"

Richard turned around as Cale approached him, giggling silly.

"Will you tell them about our first —"

"ANOTHER WORD AND I'LL BE EATING YOUR KIDNEYS FOR DINNER."

"Understood." Cale laughed, not being able to help it. For that he earned another burn on his cloak but it was worth it.

"Also, I recall saying something about you being my great friend? Yeah, that was the cupid effect. You'll probably want to erase that from your brain so I don't have to erase your brain."

"Erase what? I don't know what you're talking about." Cale replied. Richard gave him the look. Was the respect in his eyes?

"Hey lovebirds!"

Krunch, Pella, Benny and Sooba came to them, with a bunch of wood, two large dead boars, and surprisingly a barrel of wine.

"We had a small meeting with some bandits again." Krunch explained, smiling.

"We've been supping nicely lately."

All of them were looking at Cale and Richard. Cale sighed.

"Yes we talked. No, there is nothing happening. For the love of Gods, are you serious?" he chuckled.

"Oh thank God." Benny sighed, and Krunch seemed happy about it too.

"We would not have problems with those things but… it is just wrong, somehow." she laughed, and more laughs followed, this time even including Richard. They all sat down, starting the fire, and soon roasting the boar.

"Hey Cale!" Richard was gleeing, and Cale saw a romancing joke coming, and so did the rest of the group.

"Richard, no—"

"No, not that, wifey! I wrote a camp fire song! Now you all shut up and listen to my brilliant creation!"

Richard let out a "khm", pulled out a ukulele out of nowhere and started:

"_You've got a friend in me._  
><em>You've got a friend in me!<em>  
><em>When the road looks empty and green,<em>  
><em>when for miles there's no body to be seen.<em>  
><em>Just remember there's Richard the Mean,<em>  
><em>Elf, you've got a friend in me...<em>  
><em>You've got a friend in me!<em>

_You've got troubles, well I've got 'em more,_  
><em>there is dozens of bodies outside that door...<em>  
><em>We stick together and we see all the gore,<em>  
><em>you've got a friend in me!<em>  
><em>You've got a friend in me!<em>

_Some other folks might be a bit more lively than I am,_  
><em>more human and fleshy too.<em>  
><em>Maybe.<em>  
><em>But none of them will kill the way I do - It's me and you<em>  
><em>And as the years go by,<em>  
><em>all people around will die!<em>  
><em>You're gonna see<em>  
><em>it's my destiny!...<em>  
><em>But hey,<em>  
><em>you've got a friend in me.<em>  
><em>You've got a friend in me!<em>  
><em>You've got a friend in me.<em>"

Richard looked around, eager to hear comments. Cale was laughing hard together wit the others, and said:

„That was bloody beautiful."

„I couldn't got a better compliment." Richard smiled.

* * *

><p><strong>Of couse they are just friends! GEEZ! :P<strong>

**Thanks for readin'! ^^**


End file.
